Pushing Past Fear

Like most people with Fibro, I live in constant fear. I am afraid to hurt myself, to push myself to far, and especially of living through the next flare. (A flare is when everything pain receptor in your body seems to be in overdrive.)

I read an article in Runner's World about mental blocks. (Sorry, can't find it online.) One section talked about running through pain. Now for those of us with Fibro, we are experts at that; smiling through the elementary school play when you just want to be home in bed or going out for date night when you really want to just sit on the couch.

However, when it came to running, I was so afraid to run through the pain. Any twinge, discomfort or irritation I would slow down, walk or stop. I didn't want to injure myself and end up sick.

I had been wondering why I haven't been able to push myself and go faster. Now I knew why...it was all me. Me and my scaredy cat brain.

I tried something different on my last run. When my knee started protesting that we were running, I said to myself, "Keep running for two laps. If it gets worse then we'll reassess." Guess what? It went away! I didn't even feel anything after that. I just started singing along to my music and my 25 minutes were over in no time.

I got a bit braver. On Tuesday and Thursday nights, I train with a group of ladies in a very caring trainer's garage she so lovingly calls, The Dungeon. She is familiar with fibro and knows about my weird arm, so she tailors the work outs to my ability. Thursday I told her to push me. Push me beyond what she would normally think I could handle. And she did.

I sweated. I cursed. I kept my heart rate above 150. More importantly, I survived.

I woke up in the morning terrified. I didn't want to call in sick to work. But, I didn't feel any pain. I felt strong.

Lesson for the day: You are stronger than you think you are.

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